shut up and dance

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 19:34:05 GMT

consider this dead.

if you're even interested in
reading my things again,
ask where my hideout is.
i have a feeling lurkers who
should not be reading this,
are.

scenefour's out[it's been fun],
something new is in.

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 18:49:09 GMT

i think we've all come to the general
consensis that valentines day sucks.
and im spending it with a good friend
of mine who, only yesterday, said i never
changed. that i was still as self-
centered as always.
neat. this should be interesting.

this is one the greatest movies of our time.

leah stole me this from her work... she's the best.
its spongebob!!!!1 and you can blow bubbles with him

it's looking kind of bare...
and these were taken last year, this day.
polaroid love♥

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 18:19:06 GMT

OK!
so,
i'm sending out valentinessss [cause i can be sweet like
that] but i just want to remember who wants one..

i know alex & jamie are on the list
but who else?
if you want one[though it may be a bit late*], leave your address,
or email it to meeee
at spiffy_robot@hotmail.com
♥

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 22:39:09 GMT

from
mmmnafen

fill er' out

01. name:
02. age:
03. where on earth do you live:
04. what makes you happy:
05. what have you been listening to lately:
06. do you enjoy reading my LJ:
07. if so, why:
08. interesting fact about you:
09. are you in love at the moment:
10. favorite place to be:
11. favorite quote:
12. will you post this in your LJ:
13. tell me why I should read your LJ:

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 16:58:10 GMT

"it's gone, after all"

you thief!
you stole something
though it was never
your intention.
your intentions were
always perpetually
unclear,
especially late at night
your whispers tangled up
in the dark
like string
wrapping around my skin
[static cling.]
you thief -
you took something
that wasn't yours.
and now, you can't give it back.
now you can't.
you turn off the lights
to avoid my eyes,
and you close your own
so you don't become vulnerable.
i'm sorry i was so pushy,
i'm not terrified of confrontation
like i used to be;
i stepped over that line.
thiefff...
you keep taking
and i keep supplying
and and
it never ends.
we're stuck in a circle.
i'm pushing the thoughts
out of my mouth.
even whispers in my mind
threaten to exploit me
and ruin.
i think sometimes
even they might give me
away,
like you had some way
of ever knowing
what was going on in my head.
"my life almost changed.
my life almost
changed
in that one moment."
that was thunder,
violently trying to escape me,
and i bet i mouthed it
but it was late,
and i bet you would not have
noticed or taken heed.
perhaps perhaps perhaps.
and you stare blankly ahead
and my gestures are
small, pathetic ones.
agitated and aggressive
i'm rolling over your body on
the floor
and you lie still
still, almost too quiet
sometimes you utter a word
or two,
breaking the silence
between the space
{which is not quite a lot,
between us both}
we share a common link,
a common blanket,
but you're the thief in this
scenario,
and i handed it to you,
willfully,willfully
this time.

& i also wrote this, although it is untitled

i'm letting the water run,
watching it descend
while i tap my feet on
the warm marble floor.
i'm giving off the air
that i'm impatient; i'm not.

i'm sinking to the bottom.
the water's scaulding
i let it slide.
i'm trying to hear your voice
at the bottom of the bathtub -
lying down flat,
i put my ear down
listening, i hear that voice
distorted and still coherent.
my hair's twisting in slow motion
around my face, clouding my eyes,
evoking certain memories,
greeting them at the door.

i'm anchored til the end,
laced in red.
ball and chain wrapped around my
ankle, holding me to this spot
and, the feeling is like
being held underwater
immobile and suffocating, secretly
screaming.

but i'm smiling,
underwater.
each second that creeps by
reveals a new poster from the past
of you.

you, in the churchyard. (FLASH)
you, on that busy downtown bus. (FLASH)
you, in the park, surrounded by ice sculptures. (EYES WIDE OPEN)
"be spontaneous."
i said, "show me your impulsive."
i recall you lifting me off
my feet.
flinging me over your shoulder
and crossing the puddle
so my feet would stay dry
dry, dry, dry.
but i'm all wet in the end,
still breathing underwater,
clenching tight fists around mermaid hair,
interlocking thoughts with
the pattern of the rising and falling
of your voice,
i can hear it through the floor.

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 17:07:54 GMT

i saw someone who OD'd yesterday
...

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 16:25:54 GMT

banana strawberry juice tastes so good when you're sick.
amen to THAT.

post-script;
it's sad that there are still
so so many songs that remind me of you.
and what's even more pathetic? that most
of them still make me cry.

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 18:21:19 GMT

today:
still as sick as a dog, cancelled work
and skipped school.

sunday:
parents came back from the cottage.
my dad's 53rd birthday, & superbowl
fiesta at my place.
those chicken wings were damn good.

saturday:
spent the majority of the day in bed,
contemplating even going to the charity
ball that night. but i decided on going,
i had a date afterall.
it turned out to be so much fun.
my date was lord of the dance..i swear.
some randoms took my picture.
& he kissed me.. *swoon*
he also carried me around at the end of
the night because i said i couldn't walk..
stupid shoes.
:)

friday:
went to buddy's place after work. then went
downtown to pick up leahhh & 3 other chicks
i didn't know to go clubbing. we got a bit
lost on the way there. smoked..which was baddd
of me. had to fend off ugmo french guys because
they were all sick. ew.
i pretty much lost my voice at the end of the
night, so that wasn't cool.

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 23:48:47 GMT

tonight,
i'm going to a gala at the congress centre with him...

ohh..smitten!
despite the fact that i feel like i'm dying, i'm going to have a good time..roar!

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 20:40:54 GMT

perfect day for daydreamin...

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 04:48:41 GMT

so yeah.
today was cool;
like woah.
i went to chapters with
amanda, and she bought
the kama-sutra [which i
had a laugh over]
we went and harrassed
sarahbear at work,
and i almost tried on a
green pouffffy dress, which
would have most definitely
made my day.

i also saw 'i am sam' for
the first time evvvvarrr.
and i cried. twice.
no, thrice.

&, we both vowed to somehow
memorize napolean dynamite's
danceoff in our heads and
perform it at a club one night
to an awesomely awesome song.
it's making me tingly inside
already!

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 03:12:06 GMT

aw, dang.
i don't have a valentine.

wanna be mine?

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 14:20:37 GMT

i had the worst,no
the ABSOLUTE WORST
cramps in the history
of cramps last night.
to the point, i couldn't
get to sleep,and
thought i might be sick.
and no, they were not
pms. i have no idea
what it was; i think i
might cancel work
today and just chill
here.

&,
i spoke to jon last night.
for abour 1-2 hours. he
asked me if i'd ever
cheated on someone. so, right
off the bat, he probably
suspects i will. not cool.
we're going to have coffee
tomorrow night, if all goes
well. he's picking me up
after class.

&, lastly,
my other friend jon told me
about open mic every tuesday
night at olivers. i think i
am going to participate;
sing, while jon plays the guiii-
tar, and we already have one song
we know we're going to do;
rufus wainwright - across the
universe.

ps/
on a sidenote;
again, lastnight, almost died.
buddy offered me a lift home,
and we were at an intersection
and he thought the "go left on a
green" was actually go straight
through. needless to say, we
almost collided with another
car and they started screaming
at us and bud started screaming
at them "ya jewbastard!" and other
ethnic slurs [sorry if that offends
anyone]and then! the guy actually
followed us to the next set of lights
and started screaming at us some
more. he had really bad teeth.
but bud apologized and he said "fine
okay then" and drove off to the pizza-
pizza.
joiiirk.
♥

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 22:35:40 GMT

all is well in my world right now..
i don't expect it to last very much
longer.

does this not remind you of the village?
it's beautiful.

...your hands move like waves over me
iron & wine.
you love it.

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 22:19:25 GMT

"i thought you might be a taurus.."

quite born with
unequivocal hate
in your eyes.
waiting to shoot
your unsuspecting victim
down.
i wore red
that day.
you zero-ed in.
you held me in your
eyes,
set solidly like
stone.
waiting for your
oh-too-perfect moment
to strike
and kill me dead.
your words flung like
arrows,
bruising my delicate
skin, but more importantly,
vulnerable heart.
your arrows
mock tears,
and, essentially,
all pain but your own.
your spite
speaks in colourful tongue;
"i hate you." "whore."
cut into my conscious,
sometimes denies me
of sleep.
but why?
you speak of pride
and in your stubborness,
you resist all...
blindly.
and in making you see
what's really in front
of you,
i hope you understand
i hope you breakdown
at an unconventional hour
on an otherwise idle day,
doing a mundane task.
when it hits you,
in that moment,
you'll know,
in no uncertain terms,
that i meant every word
all along,
which was...

[fill in the blank]
-kbot feb 1st 2005

i talked to the boy today, and at first
it went by really roughly.
and then transcended that gap to a smoothe
closing.
we are alright again,
for now...

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 04:28:35 GMT

"somewhat removed"
jan 31st - kbot

mundane daily rush is
almost too much
to surrender to;
to get out of bed, give up
the warmth of a
cocoons shell; it's entirity,it's
home.
if not only to
satisfy some
incurable hunger,
we rise.
our bodies against
physics,
maintains composure,
sticks together
by dying pearls,
so cold,
placed on your bare chest.
your mouth mumbles
forth words, incoherently
the moment before your
mind forces your eyes
awake, awake.
shoulder shake,
shake and tremble
soaking up the sunshine
so the skin does,
through the window.
i thought i heard a rustle,
it was only my feet between the sheets;
a chance encounter.

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 00:31:47 GMT

it's official.
the rapture is better than you.

post-script;
i feel like a knob, this is the
third [?] time i've updated
today? i'm procrastinating like
it's my job.
anyways, wanna hear a funny story?
i got a phonecall last night,
and at first i could have sworn
it was you aldo, but then as we
talked more, i progressively
discovered that it wasn't. when
i hung up the phone, i looked at
andrew and said... "i have no idea
who that just was,but we had a
conversation..."
he just laughed. and then my phone
rang again, and it was the same number
so i picked up, and low and behold,
it was actually *EVAN* that called.
at first i was wondering how he got
my #, but then realized my number was
actually online.
i was going to say,
aldo, your voice sounded pretty
feminine! hahahaha but alas, it wasn't
you.
what happened to my phone call from you!?
ahh.

i'm in love with this song...

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 20:07:42 GMT

we were too wasted to close the window,
friends and family looking into my only hiding place.
the rhythm of a strangers skin..
infidel to die for, what i'm doing will happen
in the morning when the mirror won't recognize me.

...a certain gesture
when we're loving
to ask each other
do you want it?
do you want me?
i want it...
it is you...
you are aware
i want to be...

somebody put me back in school,
i forget everything I used to know
how to leave the boy behind
without having to watch him go...
infidel to die for
what I am doing
will happen in the morning
when the mirror won't recognize me.

metric - the twist
[roni, i know you will love it,
you must get it!!]

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 08:40:10 GMT

really.
is it just me, or...is this weird?
you go over to a guy friend's place,
you get high. and he tries to kiss you,
but you openly tell him you don't
actually know what you want, so he stops
and looks all emotional, and i didnt know
how to handle it.
then, after falling asleep on his bed,
i wake up when i see another girl there [?]
and when i wake up for the final time,
i get my shit together, and walk by the
next room to find them on a bed; her,
playing with his dog, and him sitting there
playing guitar.
now, i dare you to tell me that ISN'T fucked
up. i thought it was really really rude,
just because i wouldn't ravenously make out
with you does NOT imply go get another girl
and bring her home while i'm over.
jerk.

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 18:24:28 GMT

i got new aviators...woo!
last night was pretty amazing.
spur of the moment, impulsive me, decides to go visit my friend matt who lives downtown.
we hung out at his place for a bit, i met some of his friends. and then we headed to
'on tap'; a bar that i've never been too. well, i've never attempted to get into any
ontario bars because i don't have id, and frankly, i don't look old enough. however,
matt knew the bouncer so i got in just fine. wasn't carded, and didn't have to pay. it's
pretty nice to have these perks...anyways!
about an hour or so into dancing, i'm walking up the stairs to get me some water [because
i was driving, and i'm a good girl..that, and i don't have my G yet] so the cute bartender
gives me a glass of water with a lemon in it. as i'm walking back to the dancefloor, a guy
walking up the stairs past me, looks right at me and says "oh dear god, save me..". at first
i was a bit taken back..i thought maybe he THOUGHT he knew me? which of course wasn't the
case. for some reason, i was feeling particularily gutsy, and had it been any other night
i would have shrugged it off, but i grabbed his hand and said "sure." led him to the dance
floor, and i most definitely became his knight[ess] in shining armour. some chick, apparently,
had offered to buy him and his friend some shots at the beginning of the night and then pretty
much clung to him the rest of the night..not to mention, grabbed him from the back of his
belt and scratched his back...ouch. so, i rescued him, and we ended up dancing for the rest
of the night. he told me his name was jon, and we actually had a decent conversation,
considering that he'd been drinking and i was stone cold sober. he told me it was his birthday
that day. he wanted my number, and i told him i didn't usually do that, because guys just don't
call. we exchanged numbers however, at the bar, and the bartender tried to make me blush, didn't
work ;).
i told matts friends, as we were walking to get pizza, that they really knew how to cut a rug
on the dancefloor. it was hilarious. we ended up getting pizza, and walking back to matt's,
on the way home, i kept asking everyone if they liked george michael, and singing a random
line from one of his songs. jon also called, just to say hi and to tell me that he did in fact
call like he said he would... hahaha oh cute.
getting to matt's place was a challenge. it was freezing! we eventually made it, i signed his
wall for him, and in turn he signed my chest [hah!]. then, i danced on his couch to robbie
williams' 'ROCK DJ' and mc hammer and prince. he took my picture, he's big on photography.

and ta-da! there you have it. my night, in a nutshell.

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 18:58:06 GMT

there was a ladybug on my window a couple days ago. yeah. that blurry thing? is it. i think this can only be a foreshadow of spring. makes my heart skip a beat. ♥

bye bye boyfriend.

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 05:44:13 GMT

if you had the slightest idea how hostile i'm feeling
right now...

anyways, i went to visit said friend tonight. picked
him up from his work; actually the people at his work
were quite generous and even offered and pulled up a
seat for me. how kind. told him of the dozens of
incidents where i almost killed myself [not purposely
mind you..by means of the car].listened to him play
chevelle on his guitar. attempted to play, but failed.
failed miserably. snooped through his things; he didn't
seem to mind. played with his dog, zelda. grabbed my
lovehandles. i said "girls don't like that. well, i don't.
i can't really speak on behalf of the female race.. but i
bet they wouldn't either!it's a sensitive spot."
& then he kissed me. at my car. and oh boy..

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 01:04:05 GMT

it's official.

i feel like i'm dying [internally].
or dead.

essays are killer

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 05:11:38 GMT

so...
effin
tired..
:(

ps/
on a totally unrelated side note
i've discovered my boobs
are too big for my body.

andddddddd..
that's that!

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 05:02:41 GMT

i'm feeling fat today.
this sucks.

ps/ nothing worst then opening your cheque,
seeing you got paid more then you expected
[230$$cashmoney] and THEN realizing that
none of it is yours. BAH.